Jalopies, Demons, and Divine Protection

I keep telling myself, Less coffee, Warm relaxing showers before bed, and Clean sheets, should help me relax, and for a moment they do. These extra efforts are still not fully translating to my dreams. Bed time has been become a little more dreadful, do to the fact of the anticipation of whats to come. I'm starting to understand, some of my coping mechanisms in the past. Why I consumed alcohol so much, to avoid the anxiety. I cant do that anymore.

I have too many spans of lost time, from substance abuse its just not worth the loss of life. With out memories what are we? "In the end all we have are memories". On the same side of this coin, I don't want a Doctor's approval to pill up. Scripts make me a luke warm cup of coffee. Scripts Mask the anxiety during the day, but are powerless to the Nightmares.

Maybe your thinking, well you could take a sleep aide. I could, but then I would be taking more Scripts. A script during the day to make me "normal" and a script at night to make me blank out. I'm tired of drowning my mind, in chemicals. These chemicals compound the underlying issues, because they are not allowing me to deal with whats really bothering me.



10,9,8,7,6,5....


With a Jolt, I look around, and see that I'm driving down, a dark and winding road. Trees are on each side of the road, over hanging as to almost create a canopy. The High beams are dimly lighting my path.

The cool moist breeze hits my face, as I follow the road. BOOM! The truck veers off the road, and into the ditch. Smashing the front end. It's totaled. All this caused by one damn tire blowing out.

Its quite a long ways, to anything from here, at least 15 miles. What am I going to do about my truck? There is no way I'm going to make my dinner date with "Annie" and her parents by tomorrow night, I still have a days drive ahead of me. But what options do I really have? Walking. So I started to walk.

Shortly after sun up, I arrived at a Rustic Ceder covered cabin. It had a covered front porch, with two hound dogs laying, lazily on the stairs.

I climbed up the stairs, and started to knock on the door, when it opened.
A wiry little old man stood there in front of me and said, what in the hell do you want? Stuttering I said, I wrecked my truck about 15 miles West.

The old man, chuckles dumb ass.

I replied, Can you help me?

Stone faced, the old man states, depends on how much you got?

For some reason, I muttered 2,000 dollars.

A Menacing grin came over his face.
He said, Boy, you stay right here, and I got the perfect thing for you.

The sun Slowly rose to its peak in the sky, and ever so slightly started to fall.

It was starting to get late, and I started feeling dreadful. Why did I give him all that money? You know hes not coming back.

Just before Nightfall, an old flatbed farm truck pulls up, in front of the porch. It was loaded with what appears to be an old Volkswagen Rabbit.

The old man hoped out, gleefully, with his double barreled shot gun, and ran up to me.

He asked, So what you think ?

I looked at him shocked. Knowing any other answer besides, a resounding acceptance of the Jalopy , would surely mean my death.

Well let me take a look. I walked over to the flat bed truck and hopped up next to the Rabbit. It was a permanent pitted rust color, with 4 bald tires, and a license plate on the front that said "Doc".

I felt a lump in my throat, and nauseous. I asked him if it ran.

Angrily, the old timer replied, hell yes it runs boy, move out of the way.
He made his way to the back of his Flat bed ford, and pressed a lever, and the rabbit slowly rolled off onto the dirt road.

He handed me the keys, and said give her a try.

I pulled on the drivers door with all my strength, and it would not budge.

I yelled to the old man, I cant open the door!

He came over, get the hell out of the way boy, and started spraying WD-40 on the hinges. Then he took a rubber mall, and hit the drivers door hinges with a whack!

The old man grabbed the Car door, and grunted in frustration. Then the door creaked open. He laughed in delight, and looked at me. I timidly smiled looking at him and glancing at the shot gun.

I sat down in the drivers seat, with springs stabbing my butt. The rabbit had a kind of bounce to it when you got in and out of it. I put the key in the ignition, and to my surprise it started right up. Vrooom! A dark cloud of smoke and soot bellowed out of the exhaust. Until it surrounded the car from all sides.

I started to look around for the old man and saw nothing. Then a loud rap from the tip of shot gun on the window got my attention. I rolled down the window, and the old man covered in soot, said in a deep slow motion voice Now Gooooooo. I sputtered down the dirt road headed for "Annie's", glancing in the rear view mirror for the old man, never to see him again.

I arrived 2hrs late to our dinner party with Annie's Parents. I knocked on the bright red door, and then walked in. Annie Greeted me. She said Where have you been?
I replied, Its a real long story babe, let me tell you about it later.

The room was dimly lit, with candles, and a round table with chairs sat waiting for me in center of the room.

Bobby, Nice to meet you,I'm Andy. This is my wife Maratha. He pointed to the empty chair to his right indicating this was he spouse.

Andy was a dark shadowy figure,the only distinct shapes i could make out was hes hands, and a hood over his head. I became very uneasy.

In a dark deep warped and slow voice, he said Have a seat.

I looked around and only Andy and I sat at the table. All other chairs appeared empty. The wood in the fireplace started to crackle. Andy Said, in his demented voice, tell me about yourself.

I started to speak, and he interrupted me, and growled. NO, tell me about your GOD. The fire had become more intense, and its light danced across his hood.

I started to explain, that I was had a Christian Belief's, this made him angry. I felt someone grab my arms, and could see hand impressions on my arms, but no one was visibly there.

He said, Bobby, I want you to renounce you God and beliefs. Do it. My chair levitated in the Air, and slowly turned towards the fire.

The Figure, said NOW!

The fireplace exploded with flames, each flame, appeared to be a whip of fire.

Again, the figure said, Renounce Christ!

I cried, in terror, and started to pray. Dear Heavenly father, protect me from this evil. Nothing Happened.

The dark figure started laughing in delight.

Again, I prayed. This Time I shouted at the Dark Being, "In the name of Jesus Christ I command you to leave me! and again " In the name of Jesus Christ I command you to leave me!"

The Moment, I uttered those words, Light filled the room in a flash, and I awoke from my dream.


Thoughts:

This by far has been one of the scarier dreams, I have had in the last couple weeks. There is a similar theme, in the Divine Dreams, I'm always commanding Evil to leave me in the Lords name. He always helps me, in these dark moments. It may be time, I come home and start walking the path again.

"Swimming, and Wildlife in Sepia" July 2 2010

In the spirit of sleeping better, I have cut down, Caffeine Consumption to about 3 cups of coffee, from 5-9 a day. I briefly fell asleep on the couch last night, watching Aliens. I know right! Why would I watch a horror/thriller flick like that if I have nightmares. Well, b/c I like the movie, and it really doesn't scare me, its more nostalgic.

I take that back, I get a little anxious on the wide angles of the planets and space.

So after my neigbor stopped bombarding my home with artillery shells, and roman candles, it was quite, and I slowly drifted to sleep.

5,4,3,2,1.

A flash occurred and I could see all around me. I was standing by a large pond, in Kansas. The sky was clear and it was sunny, but everything was in Sepia. I walked a ways through the tall grass, to where the pond started to bend. I was excited to see Schools, and schools of fish. I started casting and first cast I caught a good size Large-mouth bass. Then out of the corner of my eye, I could see a Huge fish swimming in the brush along the bank. This Bass was so large, his dorsal fin and tail fin were half way out of the water.

I started casting, and each time I cast, my lure would fly in a 45 Degree angle away from where i was pointing. I would reel the line in, and would try again. Same thing would happen, but this time, I was casting over other people fishing on the bank with me. To avoid tangling our lines, I would have to go behind them raise my pole in the air, and walk past. I was embarrassed because these were professional fisherman, and it was a privilege to fish at this pond.

Finally I hit my mark, and the Colossal Bass took my lure. At first I thought I was hung up, because it was so tough to reel in, and there was no give in the line.
But the line started to slowly reel in. After about 3 minutes of reeling, my line snapped and spooled into a tangled mess on my pole. I was out of commission. My friend Steve came up to me and told me I needed to start throwing the lure back out or I was going to miss out on the daily catch. I felt rushed and frustrated.

I opened my tackle box to try and get teh tools I needed to fix this mess, but It was full of water, and the smaller fish I caught earlier. All my tackle was a mess. I wanted to release the fish back into the Pond, so I could clean my tackle back up, and try catch "the big one", but they were all dead.

I didnt know what to do, I felt ashamed. After this, I found myself at Steves Ranch house on this property in the garage. For some reason, unknown shapeless people, were pulling in and out of the garage, really fast.

This worried me because my Dog Adrian was with me, and she was staying in the garage. We got in a Truck and started to leave. I told Steve to stop, so I could look for Adrian, because i thought she may have gotten run over.

I called and Called for her. She finally came out, but she looked different.
She had black oil and rubber marks on her white coat. And her hind leg was broken, or out of socket. I told Steve She was going to die, and he said she was fine. Steve said watch: Want a treat Adrian? She hobbled over excitedly. I felt heart broken to see her hurt, and disgusted.

Another Flash Occurred, and I was on a Wooded, dirt road, in a hunting party. We were in a Big game tournament.

Each member had a responsibility , a shooter, a spotter, and navigator.
I was self appointed Spotter. As we walked down the road we jumped 10 mule deer. They were massive, each having huge antlers big as an adult arm.

I dropped to the ground and started calling out their locations to the shooter, but I was doing it incorrectly, he started yelling at me. Shooter: "No not like that, like this. 2 at 100 yards 1 o'clock, heading to 12."

At that very moment a Huge wall of water rushed down the road, and we started swimming for our lives. I was getting tired so I started to swim on my back, and I was fast, much faster than the rest. I started passing my party and those that were on the trail. Yelling to them, to swim on there backs so they could rest, and not drown.

Then I woke up.........


Thoughts: I can see that, I feel inadequate in a lot of scenarios, even vulnerable to what others think. Do I feel this way about myself in real life?

June 30 2010 "Encountering HIM"

Last night I crawled into bed, with my pups, and my Love. The bed was soft and the ambient sound of the Fan, was blowing in the back ground. I layed my tired head on my soft pillow and closed my eyes. Not even a minute goes by and im jolted with a Day mare, I haven't even fallen asleep.

For that Brief moment, I saw darkness, and then the Earth in full View. I had no Body, just consciousness. Then I began to fall and the Earth quickly started to grow smaller, until it was black.

I opened my eyes, scared, and sad about the image. The image made me feel helpless and out of control, but even worse It made me feel insignificant.

My love lay awake beside me, and I don't think she noticed. I really don't want to bother her anymore with my dreams, because I feel they are a unnecessary burden on her. They make her worry about me.

I knew this was going to be another night, of wild chases and confrontations.

Lately falling asleep has been rather fast for me, on average with in 10 min, of being in darkness.

10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1...

The First Flash occurs, I look around. The dream is in Black and white.

Im in a small opening surrounded by a Dark Tree Line. There is a shack, and I see a skinny old "red neck" man. He is shirtless with grease stains on his hands and stomach, and has a Webbed Cap on. I already Feel uneasy.

I look at him and he starts to laugh, with his decaying black teeth emerging from his mouth.

At that moment, I knew this was going to be a bad trip.

I asked the man, what time does he usually come, when the sun is set, or when its still red ?

Laughing, He said, he comes when he comes.

The Sun was slowly setting, and I felt I was running out of time.

I could now see my house in the distance, and started running home. I got home, and found my 1911 Micro GI .45. And loaded it. I knew I was going to need more than 7 bullets so I was searching all over for my extra Mags. When I looked up, and saw a large, heavy shirtless brute, walk past my bedroom window.

He was wearing a brown leather mask, and on his right arm a bloody nub where his hand had once been. He had fitted a motorized saw of some sort to it, with leather straps holding it on to his arm. In his right hand a cleaver.

I knew, hes looking for me. I dared not confront him, I always try to avoid him, but confrontation, is inevitable.

Walking into the living room he spots me from the back deck, through the sliding glass doors. He shatters the door, and I run out the front of the house.

He starts to chase me, and gets so close i can feel the heat from his body, so I jumped to get a way.

When I jumped It catapulted me 100 yards straight up in the air, and I could see the top of my house, like a close view from a satellite image. I slowly started to fall, and he was looking up watching and waiting, and when I landed, I jumped again. I looked down and had the same view and Awoke................


I was not as scared at the end of this nightmare, as I usually am, In my chase dreams.

They are really affecting my waking life, I need solid rest, and am not getting it.

Im sure I will be writing you soon, until then take care.

Nightmares and Day Mares

Well, I can honestly Say that I'm becoming a bit angry about my situation. I can not pinpoint a cause or a solution.

I have nightmares about 90% of the time I fall asleep. No exaggeration, if not more. This has been happening for about 3 years. I have tried many things, to prevent them from happening, but they still come. Just as sure as the sunsets and the Moon Rises, they bring their wrath.

As if the Nightmares are not bad enough, I have Day Mares. Let me explain a bit. A day mare, is a day dream, with unpleasant visuals. Similar to a nightmare, but happens when awake, and in a short burst. I want to try and journal these dreams, if for any reason to vent them, to study and possibly gain insight, why they are occuring. My hope is by writing about them, they will pass: